Tune in to the right signals during a dinner date and you’ll satisfy more than just your palate. “Romantic meals allow for powerful courtship exchanges,” says Heather T. Remoff, Ph.D., author of Sexual Choice. “Women drop vital clues during a meal–read them right and dessert could be at her place.” Your guide:

SHE GIVES YOU HER UNDIVIDED ATTENTION
If she snags the seat facing the wall, odds are she’s there to focus on you. So give her something to look at. “Women are far more skilled at interpreting body language,” says David Givens, Ph.D., author of Love Signals. Display confidence and masculinity with open palms or steepled fingers, a “showcase of mastery and thoughtfulness,” says Givens. If she chooses to face the room instead, watch her eyes: Is she easily distracted?

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SHE DRIES YOU OFF
If you spilt a drink, loudly drop a fork, or fumble the bread, watch her reaction. “If she turns away, embarrassed, or does nothing at all, she’s suppressing her maternal instincts for a reason: She has no connection to you,” says Givens. But if she lends a helping hand, there could be chemistry. Letting her help will strengthen feelings of attachment.

SHE TASTES YOUR TENDERLOIN
Offer her a bite of your entree. If she takes the fork from you and brushes the food onto her plate, hit the brakes, Casanova. “When you offer her a bite, look her in the eyes and move the fork slowly toward her mouth,” says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the founder of mypleasure.com. That way she can refuse gracefully if she’s not ready to be fed. “In my research, I’ve never known a woman to sleep with a man who didn’t first feed her,” says Remoff. Bonus points: She offers a bite back.

SHE USES COMPLIMENTS AS CONVERSATION STARTERS
Women yearn for kudos, but on a first date, keep compliments confined to her jewelry or clothes. “She spent plenty of time making those choices, so she’ll appreciate your attention to detail,” says Givens. If she starts telling a story about the earrings or, even better, returns the compliment, it shows she values your opinion. A halfhearted “thank you” may be a brush-off.

SHE GRILLS YOU
Throw out a random question–about Maoist rebels or her high-school prom–and see where it leads. “If she finds a way to work it back to you, that’s a great sign,” says Gardos. Women approach dates as fact-finding missions, so thoughtfully answer any personal questions beyond the obligatory, and reciprocate with inquiries of your own.

SHE GUSHES OVER THE CHOCOLATE VOLCANO
Does she snack stoically on her dessert, or does she close her eyes and moan softly, savoring the velvety texture? “This means she appreciates the sensual, hedonistic side of life,” says Gardos. “She’s just had an orgasm on her tongue,” agrees Laura Corn, author of 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex. “Piggyback off that.”

HE SAID She Said
Legend for Chart:

B – HE
C – SHE

AВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В  BВ В В  C

What’s your favorite type of restaurant for a first date?

HOLE-IN-THE-WALLВ В В В В В В В В В В В  30%В В  32%
MIDLEVEL ITALIANВ В В В В В В В В В В В  36В В В  28
FAMILIAR CHAINВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В  26В В В  22
EXPENSIVE BISTROВ В В В В В В В В В В В В  8В В В  18

What signals do you give off if you’re interested?

MAKING EYE CONTACTВ В В В В В В В В В  82%В В  69%
LEANING IN CLOSEВ В В В В В В В В В В В  53В В В  65
ASKING QUESTIONSВ В В В В В В В В В В В  66В В В  56
SHARING MY FOODВ В В В В В В В В В В В В  21В В В  20

What’s the worst dinner-date turn-off?

CHEWING LOUDLYВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В  11%В В  20%
CHECKING CELLPHONEВ В В В В В В В В В  40В В В  18
LOOKING AROUNDВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В  15В В В  16
BRAGGINGВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В  6В В В  15
TALKING ABOUT THE EXВ В В В В В В В В  9В В В  17

If a woman spends a lot of time in the restroom, she …

WANTS TO ESCAPEВ В В В В В В В В В В В В  37%В В  43%
HAS A SMALL BLADDERВ В В В В В В В В  15В В В  29
WANTS TO IMPRESSВ В В В В В В В В В В В  48В В В  28

Source: Poll of 4,000 visitors to menshealth.com and marieclaire.com. Figures rounded to the nearest whole number.

1.В Put him at ease. Create a “safe zone” by making it clear you won’t freak out or judge him if he reveals a turn-on that’s not up your alley. Manage his expectations by adding, “This doesn’t mean I’ll be up for doing it, but hearing it makes me feel closer to you.”
2.В Ask him what fantasies he has about you. Avoid the open-ended query, “What are your fantasies?” It puts him on the spot, and he could blurt out something scary (like he has the hots for your friend). Instead, try, “Do you ever fantasize about us? What are we doing?” This way, he can share some safer musings.
3.В Give him options. Treat him to a game of multiple choice with questions like, “What would turn you on–me dressed up as a nurse, a schoolgirl, or in head-to-toe leather?” He’ll be able to reveal his preferences without implying that he’s unhappy with what you’ve currently got going in bed.
4.В Offer up some sexy examples. It may feel safer for both of you to start by talking about someone else’s steamy imaginings–a scene from a movie, an erotic book, or that “friend of a friend” who’s dabbling in S&M. From there, you can easily get more personal by asking, “So, do you ever fantasize about that?”
5.В Thank him for sharing. Whatever he tells you, reward his efforts with a “Thank you–I love knowing that about you, and I’m glad you shared it With me.” You’ll lay the groundwork for intimate talks in the future.
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By: Dutton, Judy, Palmer, Lindsey, Redbook, Oct2006

1 be grateful for the tiny stuff
Maybe you always say thanks when your guy does something huge, like cleans out the basement. But most days, we’re guessing the ordinary contributions he makes barely register. “Over time, we stop noticing what our partner gives. His nice gestures become like wallpaper,” says Levine. “We think, Of course he’ll take out the trash. So we don’t bother to say thank you.” Here’s why you should: Those two words not only make your men feel like a rock star, they also bring out his sweetest feelings toward you (making him more inclined to thank you for all you do). The more you both acknowledge the tenderness that’s already there, the more you’ll truly appreciate it.

To show your gratitude, get specific, urges Betsy Sansby, a licensed marriage therapist in Minnetonka, MN. (“Thanks for picking up the take-out–you made my night!”) You can even jot it down, as Jennifer Miller, 38, of Santa Clarita, CA, does. “When my guy has been great to me, I write it on a slip of paper, then put it where he’ll find it, like on the computer keyboard,” she says. “They’re often very concrete things, like ‘Thank you for staying up late and making sure the bills got paid.’” It takes seconds, she says, but “I know it means a lot to him, because he keeps every note.”

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2 stop being so darned efficient
It’s easy to drift out of couple mode when you’re each racing to divide and conquer every task on your to-do lists. “Often, both of you get so busy managing your household responsibilities, it’s like you’re a tag team, on parallel tracks, “. says Sansby. In the blur of jam-packed days, you may not even notice what a great team you make–or have a conversation beyond, “You pick up Dylan, and I’ll get Maddie. Okay, go!” But even the strongest couples need lazy moments–ideally Г  deux–to kick back, crack up (in a ha-ha way), and rediscover the joy of being together.

One solution: “Buy some time together–literally,” suggests Sansby. “Hire someone to take care of onerous tasks, like mowing the lawn.” You don’t need to burn through cash, though, to carve out us-time. Consider dropping the least-loved activity from your (or your child’s) schedule. Also, take advantage of free child care, from eager grandparents to that neighbor who would gladly swap Saturday afternoon babysitting duties with you.

And don’t underestimate the power of carting the Chinese-food cartons to the table (instead of noshing in front of the TV or at the counter). Elizabeth Hurchalla, 36, of Venice, CA, has found that simply sitting down together keeps her and her man connected during extra-stressful times. “We’ve both been working really crazy hours lately. But we try to have dinner together every night, just like our parents made us do with the family when we were growing up,” she says. “Even if we’re just eating leftovers, we light a candle and sometimes even put on music before we sit and talk about our day.”

3 connect for two good minutes a day
Sure, weekly date nights are great, but who the heck can consistently pull them off?. A more practical intimacy builder: Connect for 120 seconds every day, advises Cheryl McClary, Ph.D., author of The Commitment Chronicles: The Power of Staying Together. “Even the busiest couple can find two minutes to focus on each other,” she says. “My husband and I pick 9:30 at night, when our kids are in bed.” Spend the time giving your man one good compliment (“Your new haircut makes you look hot”) or sharing a moment that made you smile (“It was so sweet when you took Ethan out for a bike ride after dinner”). You can also use it as check-in time: Ask him, “Anything you wish I were doing more of?.”

What’s crucial is that you sneak in this one-on-one talk almost every day, even if it’s when you’re lying in bed at the end of the evening. “It doesn’t work to wait until the weekend,” says Sansby. “You can drift far apart during the week.” What you’re really doing is reminding each other why you fell in love in the first place. “It’s so beautiful to hear that two minutes feel like 24 hours,” notes McClary.

4 wear your sweats–but in moderation
We all, ahem, relax our beauty standards once we’re nestled in a cozy relationship. Maybe we lounge in clothes we’d never be seen wearing in public. Or we blow off our hairbrush. Often, our guy encourages us, either by letting himself go, or by complimenting us when we look our absolute worst. “Patrick tends to tell me I look beautiful when I’m sweaty after a run, or I’m a mess first thing in the morning, so it makes me try less,” admits Amanda Dundas, 31, of Brooklyn. “I don’t spend an hour straightening my curly hair or bother with makeup, because it doesn’t seem to matter to him.”

Having a guy who accepts you as is can be a wonderful gift–but it’s easy to abuse. You don’t need to blow out your hair as meticulously as Jennifer Aniston (and please, who has the time?), but you’ll do your bond a big favor by making some effort some days. It’s not just for him, points out Levine: By touching up those roots or slathering on a rich body lotion, “you stay connected to your sensual side”–meaning you’ll stay connected to your sexual side, too, helping to keep up the intimacy and romance that make love fun.

I’ll admit it:
Most nights, I dress for bed in a style that could best be described as “shut-in chic”: my husband’s oversize pajama bottoms, stretched-out T-shirts inherited from college boyfriends, and the first two socks I find. Of course, I dress that way because it’s comfortable. But I also do it because we’re comfortable. No need to break out the lingerie–I know my guy loves me no matter what.

But in taking our bond as a given, am I taking our love for granted? Falling into autopilot is a hazard of the happily hitched, says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based couples therapist. “It’s so normal, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy,” she says. “You feel comfortable and safe, and you don’t think, Gosh, could we be neglecting each other?” Or, more important, could you both be forgetting to cherish your unique, amazing relationship?

The misconception is that once you’ve found long-term love, you can put your feet up, says Janice Levine, Ph.D., a couples therapist in Lexington, MA, and author of Why Do Fools Fall in Love? “This is the person who’ll be there for you through thick and thin,” she says. Because of that, it’s the most precious relationship to take care of.”

While it’s easy to slip into taking your love for granted, it’s also easy for the two of you to keep your relationship top-of-mind, simply by incorporating some no-fuss appreciation exercises into your love routine. Read on for a few everyday ways to celebrate and savor that good thing you’ve got.

Have you touched him today?
If you want to show your guy how much you appreciate him, get hands-on, advises marriage therapist Betsy Sansby. Being touched makes men feel loved in a way that words can’t,” she explains. Why? Guys tend to express love through action more than words, so when you wrap your arms around him, you’re speaking his native language. Sure, he loves your sweet talk, says Sansby, but it’s your hand on his back (or face, etc.) that really makes him feel adored. Her advice? Don’t let a day go by without wrapping your arms around him. “It can be a big hug,” she says, “a kiss when he does something nice, or, frankly, sex.” Bonus: Body contact causes your brain and his to pump out the bonding hormone oxytocin, so you’re likely to find yourself feeling closer to him with every touch.

By: Lombardi, Lisa, Redbook, Oct2006

STEP 1: Tell yourself, “I know what I want.”
When you pull your contractor aside to tell him it’s over, he’ll be surrounded by tools–and probably an air of burly bravado. Don’t waffle or second-guess yourself. Just remind yourself that you’re someone who knows exactly what she does and doesn’t like.

STEP 2: Be direct.
Take a deep breath and say, “This project isn’t going the way that I expected it to, so we’re not going to continue working together. Please wrap up what you’re doing,” suggests Carol Smith, a customer-relations consultant in the home-building industry.

STEP 3: Stand firm.
The guy may tell you that you don’t understand the work and that you’re making a mistake. Your response, says Smith: “Let’s just say we have different visions of how this should go.”

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Alternatively, he may pressure you to explain the problem so he can “fix” it. Don’t–you’ll just get drawn into a long, frustrating back-and-forth. Instead, counter with, “I appreciate your offer to make improvements, but I’m going to move on.”

STEP 4: Talk money.
Say you’ll send payment once you’ve received an invoice that specifies the work completed, hours of labor put in, and what you owe for supplies he used (or is leaving with you).

A HAIRSTYLIST OR OTHER PRO YOU’RE “PALS” WITH
Use a softer touch with a stylist you’ve decided to leave because you’d like to try someone else (who may even–ack!–work in the same salon). These steps also work for manicurists, babysitters, and others you develop a relationship with as they take care of you and/or your family.

STEP 1: Mention a vague desire for change.
You need the hairstylist equivalent of the classic boyfriend-breakup line, “It’s not you–it’s me.” At the end of your appointment, say, “Listen, working together has been great, but I think I really need–I don’t know–a change, and I’d like to try so-and-so at the salon. I just wanted to let you know,” says Pamela Parkhurst, author of Can You Cut It So It Looks Longer? A Hairdresser’s Memoir. (If you’re switching to another salon, you might be able to just fade away instead; your stylist can tell herself you simply found someone cheaper.)

STEP 2: Don’t drag out the ending.
After breaking the news, quickly thank her “for everything” and smile a warm good-bye. That way, you’ve left the door open for returning in the future, if you decide to.

A “FRIEND” YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT
You can ditch a pal who talks all about herself and never asks about you, who constantly dumps her kids with you, who…well, you get the idea.

STEP 1: Blame chemistry.
You might first try being perpetually “busy,” hoping she’ll take the hint and drift away. She may, however, say, “Are you avoiding me?” And if you two were once close, you probably do owe her an explanation, says Jan Yager, Ph.D., author of When Friendship Hurts. Emphasize that you’re not blaming her for everything. Example: ‘Tin sorry if I dropped off the radar. Truthfully, it bothered me that you always left your kids with me. I know you have your side of things. Maybe it’s not you or me that’s the problem–it’s how we interacted.”

STEP 2: Let her vent.
Whether she apologizes and begs for forgiveness or gets hurt and/or angry, hear her out and acknowledge, “I have my flaws, too. I know it.” Wrap up with: “I’m disappointed that the friendship got offtrack,” and wish her well. Then, call one of those friends you’ll never let go of–because that conversation was hard, and you deserve to remind yourself that the connections that sustain you mean more than the ones that drag you down.

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By: Welty, Ellen, Redbook, Oct2006