Tune in to the right signals during a dinner date and you’ll satisfy more than just your palate. “Romantic meals allow for powerful courtship exchanges,” says Heather T. Remoff, Ph.D., author of Sexual Choice. “Women drop vital clues during a meal–read them right and dessert could be at her place.” Your guide:

SHE GIVES YOU HER UNDIVIDED ATTENTION
If she snags the seat facing the wall, odds are she’s there to focus on you. So give her something to look at. “Women are far more skilled at interpreting body language,” says David Givens, Ph.D., author of Love Signals. Display confidence and masculinity with open palms or steepled fingers, a “showcase of mastery and thoughtfulness,” says Givens. If she chooses to face the room instead, watch her eyes: Is she easily distracted?

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SHE DRIES YOU OFF
If you spilt a drink, loudly drop a fork, or fumble the bread, watch her reaction. “If she turns away, embarrassed, or does nothing at all, she’s suppressing her maternal instincts for a reason: She has no connection to you,” says Givens. But if she lends a helping hand, there could be chemistry. Letting her help will strengthen feelings of attachment.

SHE TASTES YOUR TENDERLOIN
Offer her a bite of your entree. If she takes the fork from you and brushes the food onto her plate, hit the brakes, Casanova. “When you offer her a bite, look her in the eyes and move the fork slowly toward her mouth,” says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the founder of mypleasure.com. That way she can refuse gracefully if she’s not ready to be fed. “In my research, I’ve never known a woman to sleep with a man who didn’t first feed her,” says Remoff. Bonus points: She offers a bite back.

SHE USES COMPLIMENTS AS CONVERSATION STARTERS
Women yearn for kudos, but on a first date, keep compliments confined to her jewelry or clothes. “She spent plenty of time making those choices, so she’ll appreciate your attention to detail,” says Givens. If she starts telling a story about the earrings or, even better, returns the compliment, it shows she values your opinion. A halfhearted “thank you” may be a brush-off.

SHE GRILLS YOU
Throw out a random question–about Maoist rebels or her high-school prom–and see where it leads. “If she finds a way to work it back to you, that’s a great sign,” says Gardos. Women approach dates as fact-finding missions, so thoughtfully answer any personal questions beyond the obligatory, and reciprocate with inquiries of your own.

SHE GUSHES OVER THE CHOCOLATE VOLCANO
Does she snack stoically on her dessert, or does she close her eyes and moan softly, savoring the velvety texture? “This means she appreciates the sensual, hedonistic side of life,” says Gardos. “She’s just had an orgasm on her tongue,” agrees Laura Corn, author of 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex. “Piggyback off that.”

HE SAID She Said
Legend for Chart:

B – HE
C – SHE

AВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В  BВ В В  C

What’s your favorite type of restaurant for a first date?

HOLE-IN-THE-WALLВ В В В В В В В В В В В  30%В В  32%
MIDLEVEL ITALIANВ В В В В В В В В В В В  36В В В  28
FAMILIAR CHAINВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В  26В В В  22
EXPENSIVE BISTROВ В В В В В В В В В В В В  8В В В  18

What signals do you give off if you’re interested?

MAKING EYE CONTACTВ В В В В В В В В В  82%В В  69%
LEANING IN CLOSEВ В В В В В В В В В В В  53В В В  65
ASKING QUESTIONSВ В В В В В В В В В В В  66В В В  56
SHARING MY FOODВ В В В В В В В В В В В В  21В В В  20

What’s the worst dinner-date turn-off?

CHEWING LOUDLYВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В  11%В В  20%
CHECKING CELLPHONEВ В В В В В В В В В  40В В В  18
LOOKING AROUNDВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В  15В В В  16
BRAGGINGВ В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В В  6В В В  15
TALKING ABOUT THE EXВ В В В В В В В В  9В В В  17

If a woman spends a lot of time in the restroom, she …

WANTS TO ESCAPEВ В В В В В В В В В В В В  37%В В  43%
HAS A SMALL BLADDERВ В В В В В В В В  15В В В  29
WANTS TO IMPRESSВ В В В В В В В В В В В  48В В В  28

Source: Poll of 4,000 visitors to menshealth.com and marieclaire.com. Figures rounded to the nearest whole number.

1.В Put him at ease. Create a “safe zone” by making it clear you won’t freak out or judge him if he reveals a turn-on that’s not up your alley. Manage his expectations by adding, “This doesn’t mean I’ll be up for doing it, but hearing it makes me feel closer to you.”
2.В Ask him what fantasies he has about you. Avoid the open-ended query, “What are your fantasies?” It puts him on the spot, and he could blurt out something scary (like he has the hots for your friend). Instead, try, “Do you ever fantasize about us? What are we doing?” This way, he can share some safer musings.
3.В Give him options. Treat him to a game of multiple choice with questions like, “What would turn you on–me dressed up as a nurse, a schoolgirl, or in head-to-toe leather?” He’ll be able to reveal his preferences without implying that he’s unhappy with what you’ve currently got going in bed.
4.В Offer up some sexy examples. It may feel safer for both of you to start by talking about someone else’s steamy imaginings–a scene from a movie, an erotic book, or that “friend of a friend” who’s dabbling in S&M. From there, you can easily get more personal by asking, “So, do you ever fantasize about that?”
5.В Thank him for sharing. Whatever he tells you, reward his efforts with a “Thank you–I love knowing that about you, and I’m glad you shared it With me.” You’ll lay the groundwork for intimate talks in the future.
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By: Dutton, Judy, Palmer, Lindsey, Redbook, Oct2006

Hey, even the most sexually confident woman has had ambivalent feelings about porn. If you’re like me, you’ve felt alternately drawn to and repelled by it. I’ve now made my peace with most of it because I understand it–and men–better. Here’s what I learned that let me stop worrying.

Not all porn is sexist or degrading
Just because a woman has her clothing off and is writhing in ecstasy does not make her less worthy–it just makes her very visibly sexual, and that’s something we have a hard time accepting in our culture. “Good girls” are still supposed to conceal their desire for sexual pleasure or simply let desire lapse into dormancy by ignoring it. Just being sexual is hard for many women, and we only make it harder for ourselves when we judge women who do it publicly.

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Don’t take it personally
Knowing that watching other women excites your guy can really make you feel that he isn’t turned on by you. But that’s not the case. By talking to male customers at Good For Her, I discovered that while they often do desire the women they see in porn, it’s not to the exclusion of their wives or girlfriends.

This is a tricky situation, because it means accepting that he can desire others as well as you. A male friend of mine told me, “I still find my wife of six years very sexually attractive, but I like porn and watching other women. I still fantasize about my wife, though.” Don’t feel pressured to be or do what you see in porn; remember, it’s a fantasy. Be honest with him about any fears or insecurities you have–we all have them.

It’s OK to get in on the act
Women are raised to be suspicious of porn, to consider it a man’s domain. It needn’t be, though. The most common request I get at Good For Her is from men who have loving relationships with their partners and desperately want to find a film their wives might actually like. Try checking out more fun and women-friendly films such as those directed by Comstock Films (try Xana and Dax, http://www.comstockfilms.com/) or Candida Royalle (try Stud Hunters, http://www.royalle.com/). This is a great way to take some of the fear out of porn, and it really can bring you and your partner closer together.

Still, don’t bow to pressure to be one of the guys: veto a movie or magazine if you find it offensive. If you do this, try to keep in mind that he can easily feel that the woman he loves is judging and shaming his sexuality. Men’s sexual aesthetics are sometimes very different from women’s– some of what men like in porn is hilariously unsexy to me. Then again, the guys I know aren’t requesting copies of my favourite movie sex scenes, either. We’re different, so try to approach his tastes with sensitivity and know where you want to draw the line.

The short answer to your question, “Should I be worried?” No. Tame porn is harmless.

By: Gallant, Chanelle, Chatelaine, Sep2006

Want exciting sex? More intimate sex? More playful sex? Heck, want to want more sex, period? Our monthlong makeover will increase your pleasure and his

PLUS: Bonus love-your-sex-life advice from a top sex therapist.
We women hear the word “makeover” and we’re usually up for it because we know we’ll look cuter in the end. A hair makeover, a style makeover–who wouldn’t want that? But a sex makeover? Uh-huh–and here’s why. No matter how satisfying (or not) your sex life is right now, you probably wouldn’t mind adding a little more heat, a little more surprise, and a lot more closeness to the mix. That means finding fresh ways to discover and delight in each other, whether you’ve been together two years or 20. Our four-week plan delivers all that and helps you and your man have more fun in bed, to boot.

Here’s how it works: Each week of the makeover has a different theme plus a list of activities to try–building from no-touch intimacy boosters in Week 1 to sexy push-your-limits games in Week 4. Aim to do three or four activities per week–you and he can take turns choosing which ones. Most of them take less than half an hour, so you can do them all during the weekend, or spread them out over the course of the week. Finally, for more on deepening your sexual connection, check out “The Love Doctor Is In” for further advice from Laura Berman, Ph.D., host of the Showtime series Sexual Healing, who’s bean helping women and couples develop their passion potential for nearly two decades.

Now grab your guy and get ready to have fun!

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[WEEK ONE] warm up
It’s hard to really enjoy sex with your guy if you’re mad at him. That’s why it’s important to do a little healing before heading into new sexual territory–think of it as cleaning out your emotional closet. So for the first week of this makeover, you’ll stick to nonsexual activities that’ll get you primed for the sexy stuff.

* Feed each other’s ego
Build his self-esteem–and yours–by taking 10 minutes to say what you like about each other, both in and out of bed. Be sure to cover three kinds of compliments: physical (“You have a sexy butt”), appreciative (“I really appreciate that you always pick up the kids”), and emotional (“I feel so safe when I’m with you”). Aim for at least one of each, but the more, the better! Then try to incorporate at least one additional compliment per day, all week long.

* Write each other forgiveness letters
Often, your sex life can be affected by emotional issues that you’re carrying around–things you’ve never talked about, but should. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles sex therapist, uses “forgiveness letters” to help couples communicate important thoughts and feelings. “The letter has to be specific, such as, ‘When you made that joke about me at Joe and Lisa’s party, I felt really embarrassed. I never said anything, but I’ve been upset with you since then, and I’d like to forgive you,’” says Cadell. “Then I make him read your letter back to you, to mirror your thoughts and make sure he is listening.” (He gets to write his own letter, too.) This process helps you to let go of anger and disappointment–about things both small and large–and feel that you’re being heard and understood by your partner.

* Play the “How I Like to Be Touched” game
Get prepped for the sexier activities in weeks to come by talking about the nonsexual touches that make you feel good. You’re not allowed to have sex or touch each other’s genitals while doing this exercise. Lie on the bed (or wherever is comfortable), clothed or unclothed, and have your guy stroke you all over. Have him try different strokes, such as kneading or sliding his fingers, to see what you like best. Take turns, switching off after 15 to 20 minutes. Ask each other questions like, “Do you like circular strokes or when I go up and down?” Narrate what you’re doing: “I’m rubbing your legs, and now I’m moving up to your buns.” And it’s okay to giggle–being goofy and loose together sparks your sex connection, too! (This exercise has a perk: You’ll end up using some of the strokes you liked as a warm up to steamy sex another time.)

* Critique each other–constructively
Just as important as knowing what your partner likes is knowing what he doesn’t like. This is the time to come clean and tell each other what you’d like done a little differently, in a nonjudgmental way. To soften the blow, try sandwiching each negative between two positives. For example: “You know, I like it when you give attention to my nipples. But sometimes you’re too rough. I really love when you massage them softly with your fingers and lick them.” Take turns giving each other suggestions and listening without interrupting. (It’s harder to do that than you think!)

* Just breathe
This is a tantric technique that helps you synchronize your sexual energy. It will relax both of you and put you in the mood. Sit facing each other and take slow, deep breaths together. Hold hands. Look into each other’s eyes. Don’t talk. Send him mental messages of love. Try to stay like this for five minutes–it can be very sexy to tap into each other’s rhythms this way.

* Redo your boudoir
A few small changes can turn your bedroom into a pleasure palace. First, banish clutter–the kids’ toys, stray socks, piles of bedside reading. While you’re doing that, remove family photos, too; this is the “romance room,” so the only photos you should have in there are shots of you and your husband.

To set a seductive mood, install a dimmer switch ($5 at hardware stores) on the bedside lamp so you can adjust it. Candles are also essential. (We all look sexier by candlelight.) If you don’t already have a CD player in the bedroom, add one, along with some get-in-the-groove tunes. For extra fun, create a “naughty box”–a shoe box filled with sexy accessories like blindfolds, a feather, a vibrator, lube, massage oil, novelty condoms, and breath mints. You two might enjoy browsing for supplies together online (try babeland.com) or at a bricks-and-mortar adult store.

Finally, put a lock on the door–to keep the kids, the dog, and anyone else from barging in on you. (See page 102 for tales from three readers who didn’t!)

the love doctor is in WEEK ONE
Sex Rx: A huge part of any sexual transformation happens outside the bedroom, says REDBOOK Love Network expert Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription. “Particularly for women, the brain is the main sex organ,” she says. “More than orgasms, more than sexual response, more than body image, the one thing that predicts sexual satisfaction is the emotional connection we feel to the person we’re having sex with.”

That’s why much of the work Berman does with women and couples is emotional, not sexual. (You can see her in action on her reality show, Sexual Healing, currently on Showtime.) “Past hurts, trust issues, communication–all of that is a huge part of what we focus on,” she says. Berman starts couples off with an exercise similar to “feed each other’s ego.” “Even if they’re angry, they have to put their anger aside and think of things they appreciate,” she says. “Or we do ‘Three things that make me feel loved’ or ‘Three things that make me feel safe.’”

On the other hand, sometimes a sexual activity opens up new ways of connecting. One woman Berman worked with discovered just how much resentment she was holding toward her husband when she had trouble touching him in a tender way during a sexual exercise. This inspired them to discuss some of their tough relationship issues.

If any activity in this makeover is truly upsetting to you, if either of you have a history of trauma or abuse, or if there are other emotional issues involved (such as depression or infidelity), then consider seeing a therapist for help, says Berman. You can find one in your area through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (aasect.org) or the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (aamft.org). If you’re looking for a sex therapist, make sure they’re also licensed in your state as a regular therapist.

–Jeannie Kim

[WEEK TWO] pleasure him
[WEEK TWO] This week, you’ll be focusing on his sexual satisfaction. (Don’t worry, you’ll go next!) By zeroing in on one partner at a time, you’ll both learn way more about what works and what doesn’t in bed–and the person being treated gets to enjoy a week of sexual pleasure with no distractions.

* Treat him to an erotic massage
Even the most macho man likes a little pampering. Pull his clothes off, throw him in the shower or tub, and soap him up. Then explore his erogenous zones with a sensual massage. Use your favorite massage oil or body lotion to smooth your strokes, and caress him everywhere. Men are so penis-oriented that they themselves don’t often focus on their other hot spots. Discover his. Some guys have sensitive nipples, others have sensitive necks. Try rubbing his feet or between his butt cheeks. (He’ll probably like it all!)

* Perform sexy shiatsu
What does he really want? For you to play with his penis! Experiment with different strokes, suggests San Francisco sex educator Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., author of Dr. Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex. Try the technique Sprinkle calls “penis shiatsu”–using finger pressure to drive him wild. “Squeeze up and down with your thumb and forefinger,” says Sprinkle, “first front mad back and then on the sides.” Sprinkle also recommends the “King’s Delight”: “Pay special attention to the frenulum, the area just below the head on the underside of the penis,” she explains. “With one thumb on each side of the underside of the head, press and rub, making circles with your thumbs.”

* Get creative with oral sex
First of all, don’t worry too much about doing it “right.” Men say that the number one thing that turns them on with oral sex is enthusiasm. Your technique doesn’t have to be perfect, but it doesn’t hurt to mix it up with creative extras. Try putting a Mentos in your mouth and then adding club soda. This will create a fizzing, bubbly eruption in your mouth. (And no, it’s not dangerous.) You can also pop a strong mint for a fresh sensation.

* Heat things up with hot/cold play
Hot and cold sensations can add a whole new layer to sexy play. Try sipping a hot drink before licking him in a sensitive spot and see how that feels. Then drink something cold and see how he likes that. Or try rubbing on a heated lube; K-Y and FDS make ones that are available at any drugstore.

* Rough him up a little
Guys are very physical when it comes to sex, and they love to up the sexual energy with something that gets the adrenaline going. Try “wrestling,” with or without clothes on. If your guy is a lot stronger, handicap him by making him tussle with just one arm, or with his legs gently tied together. Or get on top and pin down his arms yourself.

the love doctor is in [WEEK TWO]
Sex Rx: “It’s so rare that we get to be totally focused on receiving pleasure without simultaneously having to pleasure the other person,” says Berman. “It’s also so difficult–we feel anxious, serf-conscious, and guilty.” Letting go and receiving pleasure can be as hard for a man as it is for a woman, Berman points out, “Contrary to what many women believe, a large part of a man’s sexual self-esteem comes from pleasuring his partner,” she says. Men also experience a lot of performance anxiety–is my erection hard enough? Will I last long enough for her? Slowing things down by using techniques such as the breathing exercise from Week One can help him get pest these anxieties.

Another exercise Berman suggests is to have your guy identify on a scale of one to 10 how aroused he is. Repeatedly bring him to level six, then let him use breath and muscle control to come back down again. “This exercise teaches him about sexual control, and you learn how to stimulate him,” says Berman, “but it’s very intimate and caring, as well as sexual.”

–J. K.

[WEEK THREE] pleasure you
Now it’s your turn to let him do all the work. Relax into it as he experiments with new ways to please you. (If any of the activities from Week Two appeal to you, feel free to demand them instead–or in addition!)

* Play the “Hand Over” game
If you already played “How I Like to Be Touched” in Week One, get ready to take it one step further. Put your hand over his and glide his hand over all (yes, all) the areas of your body that you want him to touch. Have him experiment with different touches (all controlled by you, of course): Try the “petting” stroke, where he uses long, slow strokes, or the “orbit” stroke, where he swirls his finger up and around your most sensitive spots. The “rock around the clock” stroke involves making tiny circles around your clitoris, with his forefinger stopping at 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, and 9:00. “Many women seem to like the 2:00 or 3:00 positions the best,” says Sprinkle.

* Set an O goal
Extend this challenge: You must have five orgasms this week. (Five seem too easy? Make it 10!) He can give you one a day, or all five in one gloriously long session, but you have to reach the goal within seven days. Not only will this trigger his goal-oriented, competitive side, but he’ll also be inspired to new heights of creativity as he works to take you across the finish line.

* Enjoy an erotic bedtime stow
Buy a book of erotica (browse at cleispress.com) and have him read you a story. Hearing his voice describing the sex other people are having can be amazingly arousing. And soon enough you’ll probably find yourself saying, “We should do what they’re doing.”

* Try a “trigasm”
You probably have a few tried-and-true ways of reaching orgasm, but adding extra stimulation can kick everything up a notch. Have him stimulate your clitoris with his tongue, touch your G-spot (located an inch or two inside your vagina, on the front wall) with his finger, and stroke your anal area with another finger, all at the same time. This can produce a more powerful orgasm.

* Light up with pleasure
Turn off the lights, take a flashlight, and guide the glow to areas of your body that you want him to lick or rub. Start with your neck, ears, nipples–go wherever you want him to explore. Even if it’s a nonsexual area like your back, he has to pay attention to that area until you stop shining the flashlight on it.

the love doctor is in [WEEK THREE]
Sex Rx: Surrendering to being pleasured can be especially difficult for women, who are often taught to put their own needs last, says Berman. “Also, when the focus is on you, you feel more vulnerable, more insecure about your insecurities, whether it’s about your body or your genitals or your sexual response,” she says. “You might feel like you’re taking too long and he’s getting bored.” Sit back and don’t worry about what he’s thinking–just concentrate on the sensations throughout your own body.

–J.K.

[WEEK FOUR] take it to the next level
Now it’s time to push your limits, just a little, together. In this final week, you’ll add more hot moves to your sexual repertoire, get honest about your desires, and embark on some fun new adventures.

* Make a wish list
Sometimes simply asking for what you want in bed can be scary. Writing it out makes it easier. Each of you should write down five new things you would actually like to try (no fantasies you’d never really do). You can also list things you’ve already done but want to do more of. Then share lists, and each of you pick one thing off the other’s list to try this week. If you like, turn this fantasy fulfillment into a fun game by writing each idea down on a slip of paper, then drawing them out of a hat. Pick two to try this week–and keep your lists to refer to after the makeover is finished!

* Talk dirty
Not comfortable with dirty talk? Ease into it, says Sprinkle, who suggests starting with simple phrases like “That’s good” or “Yes, there.” Then work up to “Mmm, it feels so good when you ―.” Once you’re comfortable, add more detail, maybe even some spicy language. Don’t be shy; this is the time to enjoy saying dirty words and being a bad girl. This week, each of you should try talking dirty, whatever that means to you–at least once. Even if you don’t love it, you’ll get to stretch yourselves by trying on a new way of expressing yourselves in bed, which will help both of you to be more open.

* Take turns taking control
Ever wanted to be more take-charge in bed but were afraid to tell him? Or maybe he wants you to be more dominant, but he’s never had the courage to ask. One day this week, you get to be completely in charge–yes, completely. Try tying him up, blindfolding him, spanking him (gently!), bossing him around. (This is especially satisfying when you have PMS.) Then switch roles. If you like, you can add in some role-play, like being a cop and a crook, or a teacher and a naughty student. You might burst out laughing at first, but keep going–playing with control and submission can be a powerful way of reaffirming your trust in each other, both in bed and within your relationship. At the very least, you’ll have some silly fun with it.

* Strike a few new poses
Experiment with at least one new position, such as the “reverse cowgirl,” where you sit on his lap facing away, or the “doorman,” where you lift up your leg and do it standing up against a door. (Want more ideas? Check out the books Position of the Day Playbook from Nerve.com or The Little Bit Naughty Book of Sex Positions by Siobhan Kelly.) Afterward, each of you can rate the position’s hotness on a scale of one to five.

* Do it somewhere different
Make it your mission to have sex in at least two different rooms this week. Or try a road trip: Next time you head to the store, pick a secluded place to pull over and get some lovin’. Try a little backseat action, or sit on his lap in the passenger seat. Just like a road trip, passionate sex is all about looking at new things, discovering surprises, getting lost, and getting back on the road again. Make sure your “road trip” has its exciting moments and challenges–and enjoy the adventure!

the love doctor is in [WEEK FOUR]
Sex Rx: Moving beyond your comfort zone is key to growing, both emotionally and sexually, says Berman. “You have to take risks to make the change you want,” she says. Changing your usual routine can also shake things up physically, she points out: “Doing things that feel just a little frightening inspires dopamine production, which can boost your libido. That’s why I often direct couples to go rock climbing or skydiving as part of their therapy.”

If any of these exercises brings up anger or frustration with your partner–or simply makes you a little uncomfortable–it’s important to express yourself honestly without attacking, just as you should with any conflict Try to work through your discomfort, Berman says, but if you’re feeling very upset or unusually uncomfortable, don’t push yourself; read the information in Week One about how to know if you might benefit from working with a therapist.

Whether you do it on your own or with help, exploring your sexual boundaries can help you two maintain a passionate bond for a lifetime. “Your sexual responses change throughout your life, so it’s important to take the pulse of your sex life every now and then,” Berman notes. “Something you might have been totally opposed to trying five years ago might be something you’re now fantasizing about. Or the moves that worked before to get you in the mood might not work anymore. Revisiting your sexual needs will help you to keep growing and changing as a couple, and that’s all part of being in a vibrant, healthy sexual relationship.”

Source: Redbook, Sep2006

1 INTERNATIONAL SEX SECRET

Stretch Out Foreplay
Always rushing through the arousal stages of sex is a shagging shame. “In many cultures, seduction begins long before a couple gets to the bedroom,” says Amy Sueyoshi, PhD, assistant professor of human sexuality and ethnic studies at San Francisco State University. “The mere knowledge that a sexual encounter is about to happen can be a huge turn-on.” So take a cue from Korean women: “Before the sex act even begins, our readers will blindfold their boyfriends with scarves and then tantalize them by slowly dragging silk over their bodies from head to toe, lingering extra long around his pelvis area,” says Kyung-Hae Yoon, editor of Cosmo in Korea. Kick this move up a notch by sliding the silk back and forth under his testicles while he’s standing and he’ll be seeing stars.

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Extending the amount of fun you have before actual intercourse makes sex feel more like an all-night party than a flash in the pan, which is exactly why India’s famous Kama Sutra has entire chapters devoted to kissing, caressing, and oral sex. Another thing to keep in mind: There’s no rule that says you can’t have an orgasm during foreplay. “Whether it’s done manually or orally, women should encourage men to take them all the way before intercourse even begins,” says Sueyoshi. Have your guy stimulate your G-spot by inserting his finger into your vagina and applying pulsing pressure to the front (belly side) wall while he rhythmically strokes your clitoris with his tongue. Bonus: Intercourse after having an orgasm can be incredibly intense because your hot spots are already sensitized.

2 INTERNATIONAL SEX SECRET Be Just As Gung Ho for Sex As a Guy
Doing-it divas in countries like Australia, Israel, and South Africa aren’t afraid to turn the tables when it comes to traditional sex roles. “Aussie women don’t get hung up on what’s considered ‘feminine’ or not — they generally have no problem initiating sex with a man they’re attracted to,” says Gabrielle Morrissey, PhD, an Australian sex expert and author of Urge: Hot Secrets for Great Sex. Clearly, patience is not a virtue when getting it on Down Under: According to a survey in Australian Cosmo, 38 percent of readers have gotten it on with a guy within 24 hours of meeting him. Israeli and South African women are just as likely to go after what they want. “In Israel, women join the army at the age of 18, and their fast, high-adrenaline lifestyle spills over into their sex lives,” says Lea Kantor-Matarrasso, the editor of Israeli Cosmo.

There’s no doubt that instant gratification can sometimes be the best kind, so attack your boyfriend (or newly acquired boy toy) the very second yon get the urge. Fin him against the wall with one hand (holding his hands over his head) and press your breasts and hips against him hard while unbuckling his pants with the other. Once his member jumps to attention, pull him down onto the floor on top of you. “It’s a myth that whoever is on top is always in control,” says Morrissey. “By thrusting your hips up and down, placing your hands on his butt, pulling him into yon, and kissing him hard, yon can direct the action.” That’s not to say yon shouldn’t go for a ride. Try pushing him onto a chair, unzipping his pants, going down on him for a few seconds, then climbing on. He won’t know what hit him, but he’ll be happy as hell.

For the ultimate in rough ‘n’ ready fun, try one of South African Cosmo readers’ favorite bed games called the Randy Wrestling Roll. Start by lying on your side facing each other, with your thigh flung over his hip, and guide his penis inside you, then entangle your arms and legs and start rolling around on the bed or carpet as you thrust into each other. The goal? See who can end up on top most often — but in this game, everybody wins.

3 INTERNATIONAL SEX SECRET Go for Your Pleasure in the Sack
Maybe we could all use a quick trip to Paris to give our sexual egos aboost. According to Sylvie Overnoy, the editor of French Cosmo, women in France are anything but shy when it comes to making demands in bed. “The attitudes of French women regarding sex are, one, speak your mind and, two. do anything you please,” says Overnoy. Having sex exactly when and how you want is all the rage for Hungarian babes as well, who do the deed more often than the women of any other country — 1.52 times per year, according to the 2003 Durex Global Sex Survey. Considering that Americans are hitting the sheets 118 times per year on average according to the Durex survey, there must be something Hungarians know that we don’t. “The secret may be that Hungarian women won’t let much of anything get in the way of having a good time in bed,” says Hungarian Cosmos editor, Anita Poesik. “In some countries, having sex during your period may he taboo, but here, girls just throw down a red towel on the bed and it’s business as usual.”

Hungarian chicks aren’t afraid to ask for what they want either. “Hungarian women have no qualms about giving sexual instructions,” says Sandor Cardos, PhD, a sexologist of Hungarian descent and founder of Mypleasure.com. “They know it doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out discussion — all you have to do is take the guy’s hand and move it where you want it or whisper a few specific commands.” So the next time you’re getting it on, moan the words faster, slower, harder, or softer. Or if you’re already a vocal vixen, get on top and show him with his middle and ring fingers (his index finger won’t (eel as gentle) exactly how you want your clitoris to be touched. Don’t be shy about getting specific and telling him precisely how much pressure yon want from his tongue during oral sex, for example. “In several different studies, men have reported that the single most exhilarating moment of sex for them is when the woman they’re with has an orgasm,” says Gardos. “So the ironic thing about being selfish in bed is that you end up not being selfish at all.”

4 INTERNATIONAL SEX SECRET Push Your Booty Boundaries
Even if you can already think of a hundred ways to get turned on, why stop there? Italians, for one, are fabulous at finding new venues to stage steamy sessions. “Most of our readers live with their parents until well into their 30s, so finding places to have sex outside the house is a serious necessity,” says Cinzia Felicetti, the editor of Italian Cosmo. In the Euro RSCG Love and Lust 2002 Survey, 88 percent of sexually driven Italians confessed to doing it in a car and 16 percent have gotten busy on a plane or train. But you don’t have to do it in the air, on the rail, or in a public parking lot to have wild sex. You can steam things up at home by moving outside the bedroom and doing it on top of a sturdy table, kitchen counter, bathroom sink, or hood of a car that’s parked in your garage.

Things get even hotter in Greece where they boldly go where most cultures are too shy to venture. “Both men and women here enjoy anal sex, and no one considers it a big deal,” says deputy editor of Greek Cosmo, Margarita Michelakou. Like bringing sex toys to bed or using flavored lubes, anal sex is just another option for spicing things up. For a more sedate version of bottoms-up fun, try gentle pressure on the anus, which can feel wonderfully intense because that area is so packed with sensitive nerve endings. To silently get the signal across that you’re interested in going there, try massaging the outside of your own back door while doing it doggie-style so that he has a clear view of the action (his eyes will probably pop out of his head). Or just grab your own cheeks and pull them gently apart, helping him to penetrate you deeper vaginally. Yet another often ignored erogenous zone is the female perineum. While you probably already know that pressing on the male perineum (the area between his testicles and anus) feels amazing for men, you might not know that the same spot on your bod can be pleasurably potent. Ask your guy to either lick you there or rub that area with his fingers the next time his head is nestled between your thighs.

5 INTERNATIONAL SEX SECRET Have a Secret Sex Life
No, we don’t mean cheating on your main squeeze. This is about discovering the booty benefits of dirty day-dreaming and solo sex. According to the Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior, only 19 percent of U. S. women think about sex one or more times a day. And according to the text Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, almost 60 percent of U.S. women never masturbate. Yikes, looks like many of us could use a libido intervention, so let Brazilian and Spanish babes be your inspiration. ‘Young women in Brazil frequently plan parties with their friends where a sex coach teaches them new ways to please themselves and their partners and gives them tips on how to perform stripteases and use vibrators,” reports Cynthia Greiner, the editor of Brazilian Cosmo. Another path to a secret sex life is pure fantasy, say Sarah Glattstein Franco, the editor of Spanish Cosmo. “Forty-eight percent of our readers use fantasies to reach orgasm both while masturbating and while having sex.”

The real shocker: Sixty percent of Spanish men and women say that the star of their sexual fantasies is their current partner. Simply letting your mind wander to the sexiest experience you can remember having with your beau is an easy way to get so turned on that you can’t wait to have sex again.

Or why wait at all? While picturing a sexy scenario, caress your breasts until your nipples are hard, stroke your stomach and upper thighs until you feel yourself getting wet, then slide your fingers between your vaginal lips and spread the wetness upward toward your clitoris. How fast and hard you rub is up to you. Be willing to try different strokes and pressures and go with what feels best. And get creative. Try doing it standing up and leaning against a wall or with one foot up on a chair while you watch yourself in the mirror. Once you see just how insanely sexy you look touching yourself, you may be confident enough to let your very lucky man look on while you do it. Just don’t for-get to peel him off the ceiling when you’re done.

“IN MANY CULTURES, SEDUCTION BEGINS WAY BEFORE A COUPLE GETS IN BED. THE WAIT ALONE CAN BE A HUGE TURN-ON.”

FRISKY FOREIGN FACTS
52% of Israeli Cosmo readers Watch porn.

— Israeli Cosmo

23% of Spaniards have had sex with two people at the same time.

— Euro RSCG Love and Lust 2002 Survey

94% of Italians would rather have an unattractive partner who is great in bed than an attractive partner who is lousy to the sack.

— Euro RSCG Love and Lust 2002 Survey

SIXTY PERCENT OF SPANISH MEN AND WOMEN SAY THAT THE STAR OF THEIR SEXUAL FANTASIES IS USUALLY THEIR CURRENT PARTNER.

LUSTY LINGO
For some reason, naughty words sound sexier (or sillier) when said in a foreign tongue.

Assatanata (Italian slang, adj., Sounds Like: ah-SAH-tah-nah-tah) — to be incredibly turned on. Literal translation: “to be possessed by the devil”

Bishounen (Japanese slang, n.; Sounds Like: be-SHOW-nen) — a hunk or sexy guy. Literal translation: “beautiful boy”

Farok (Hungarian slang, n.; Sounds Like: FAH-roke) — penis. Literal translation: “tail”

Fumer le cigare (French slang expression; Sounds Like: foo-MAY leuh sig-ARE) — to give a guy oral sex. Literal translation: “smoke the cigar”

GolyГіk (Hungarian slang, n.; Sounds Like: GOY-yoke) — testicles. Literal translation: “balls”

Gummihatt (Swedish slang, n.; Sounds Like: GOO-me-hat) a condom. Literal translation: “rubber hat”

Mappa tassie (Australian slang, n.; Sound Like: MAP-a-TAZZ-y) — the vagina. Abbreviated version of: “a map of Tasmania”

Pipote (Spanish slang, n.; Sounds Like: pee-POH-tay) — clitoris. Literal translation: “big sunflower seed”

By: Beland, Nicole, Cosmopolitan